Garoto Esperto

GarotoEsperto! Hell yeah, a Portuguese gay porn site! We need to have a gay porn tube in every language, and this one is in Portuguese. Other than that, it’s about as standard as every other gay porn tube on the web, but you know me. I have to go all in-depth with my reviews. So, I’ll be covering every single facet of this fantastic free porn site and checking out every single section to make sure I cover everything. Don’t you worry; I’m going to review everything there is to see on GarotoEsperto.

Let’s start with the name of the site. It translates to Clever Boy. I’ve never really seen the word clever being used to describe fuckable pieces of ass, but it’s probably some sort of homo reference that I don’t understand. Maybe clever boys are all the rage these days. I don’t fucking know. I have no taste in men, remember? But that’s all right because I know good pornography when I see it, and boy, is there a lot of it on GarotoEsperto. There’s so much hardcore penetration on this site it’s crazy.

Hardcore Penetration

My methodology for judging gay porn is really simple. I look for scenes that demean or otherwise sexually punish at least one dude in the same way I like to demean women with my python. You see, if a woman is doused in cum, I’m happy. That kind of shit puts a smile on my face and a boner in my pants. That’s precisely the kind of shit you get on this site, except the cum is on dudes rather than chicks. And that’s how I know that this hardcore smut is worth fapping to if you’re a gay dude. All of the videos are fucking depraved.

None of this shit screams vanilla. It’s all extremely perverse and realistic. They don’t hold back any punches. Naturally, since this is gay porn and all, the dudes usually take turns in demeaning each other. Many videos feature a twink who pretty much plays the role that you’d see the woman play in straight porn production. Regardless, you get to put yourself in the shoes of a top, a bottom, and everything in between. Don’t judge me if I misuse some of those terms; I’m still learning.

Manly Dudes are Hot

What I’m trying to say is that every video on GarotoEsperto is guaranteed to make you very horny. True to form, all of the dudes in these videos are either really buff or really dainty. There are also a lot of dudes who look buff but act dainty. I don’t know how the sex appeal is calculated in those scenarios. I always thought that gay dudes were supposed to act manly, but alas, I was mistaken.

The solo stuff is very manly. The dudes that jerk off alone for the camera have authentic masculine expressions on their faces. They look like they’re trying to open up a particularly stubborn jar of pickles while they twist their cocks to hell and back. They remind me of me when I’m jerking off. I would imagine that gay dudes would be more than happy to jerk off to videos of me jerking off, but unfortunately, I haven’t sunk that low yet. Who knows, maybe in the future.

Why Portuguese Though?

Let’s get back to why this site is actually in Portuguese. The content itself isn’t strictly Portuguese or even strictly Latino. There are all kinds of smut on here, even though most of the dudes have Latino names. There are a ton of western dudes as well. I see a lot of American names on here. So, what makes this a Portuguese site? The language of the UI, the blog, and of course, the video titles. It’s basically a site that tries to cater to Portuguese speakers without actually locking you into a specific type of smut. If you think about it, that wouldn’t make much sense now, would it? I doubt that Portuguese fappers only want to fap to Portuguese dudes.

So, the site is geographically targeting people who live in Brazil and Portugal, I guess. That should make the fact that this review is written in English all the more ironic. But I suppose you can overlook the language barrier entirely and browse the entire site by thumbnails alone. I don’t speak a word of Portuguese, and I had zero problems getting around. I mean, I clicked on the pictures of cocks, and the cocks started moving. It’s not exactly rocket science. You can use a porn tube even if it’s in fucking Korean. You don’t have to understand the UI.

Speaking of the UI, it’s designed pretty damn well in that it stays the fuck out of your way while you’re on a quest for animated cock. By animated cock I mean cock in motion, not cock that’s been drawn. So don’t get your panties in a bunch. Anyways, the design of the site is exactly what I want to see from my porn tubes. It shows a bunch of video thumbnails with titles and short descriptions. You click on one of the thumbnails, and you get to see the video. It’s just that simple.

Needs More Videos Per Page

I will throw shade on one aspect of the site’s design, though. I checked out GarotoEsperto on a regular 1080p screen, and I could only really see around 5 videos listed at a time. The lists themselves are huge; this place is loaded with thousands of high-quality videos. But I could only preview a handful while I was browsing. This is underwhelming. Your average porn tube shows dozens of videos per page. I get that the design is simple, and they’re banking on the descriptions for the videos being so alluring that you can’t resist but click through. Still, I would have preferred more videos per page. This current layout makes the site feel more like a blog than anything else.

And speaking of blogs, this site technically has a blog, even though there’s no actual blog section as far as I can tell. The videos on the site and the blog posts are categorized in the same way. So, on an average page, you’ll see a bunch of videos and a bunch of blog posts without actually knowing what you’re in for until you click through and get to the other side.

Blog Posts Are a Mixed Bag

For example, I saw a preview of some hot dude with great abs, and I wanted to see him get destroyed by monster cocks. I clicked on the preview and got bounced to a blog post that talked about how he’s some sort of famous teacher who became known on the internet for his spectacular abs. What the fuck does any of this have to do with gay porn? I mean, yes, he is a hot dude, and you do want to check him out, but the blog post only had a bunch of animated GIFs of him taking his shirt off. Last I checked, dudes taking their shirts off wasn’t called porn. That’s just how we live above room temperature. I am currently shirtless while I’m writing this review. I am not porn. Porn is when the penis goes inside the butthole. GarotoEsperto needs to give us more of that and less of the talky-talky.

One bittersweet realization I had on GarotoEsperto was that all of the videos on the site were just embedded from a third-party source. All the ones I previewed came from XVideos. In other words, they’re videos that you can get on XVideos just the same. This means that GarotoEsperto is a curation site, not an actual porn tube. I mean, it functions as a porn tube, and you’re here for the careful selection, the detailed descriptions, and categories, but ultimately, you’re looking at a smaller subset of content from another site.

You can still prefer this site over XVideos, provided you care about the site owner’s curation methods. And if you like the selection on this site, then you can keep coming back for more primo smut instead of having to go out there to find it on your own. I guess that’s a fair business model.

As a closing note, I will bitch and moan about the fact that there are way too many redirect ads that are slipped into the fucking video thumbnails. That shit should be outlawed. I clicked on 10 different gay porn videos on this site, and more than half of them were redirects to random ads that had nothing to do with gay porn. This makes me livid. I don’t mind that these guys are trying to make some money to keep their site afloat, but misleading link clicks should go the way of the dinosaur.