EUTwinks

Keeping up with my milking session of the Massive Gay Pass network, so far I've done BarebackVids, BlackStudVids, AsianBoyToys, XXXAsianGays, aaaaaannnd I’m genuinely starting to forget what I’ve been doing so far. But anyway, I’m now looking at yet another channel from the 36-strong family, and it looks like EUTwinks is the next on my fap line. If you’ve been trying to follow my thread of misery, then you already know my drill with these things. And you also spoiled yourself for the big reveal later on, you sneaky bug you. But well, I can’t help it if my shitpost reviews are that good, right? Glad to have you here too, buddy. So let me kick this off with the general info about the channel, and then I'll add up the network!

Here is the story of EUTwinks live and well

For all my Massive Gay Pass saga fans, you already know that the place loves its themed channels and porn. The answer is in the name! European and twinks, I gotta love the mix! Honestly, watching uncut twinkish dicks rubbing against each other is already making me salivate. Pale blokes, maybe some will have green eyes and freckles, eh? Add red hair to it. But nah, they’re likely just going to do Eastern Europeans, but that’s not bad either. I love me a Slavic twink in hot action, and the idea of having it all go through different settings is going to keep me up on my toes. So, in I went, and started to click around for a general feeling of the place. Brother, I was not prepared for this.

And I'm not even doing this for the hype moments and aura. This was not what I was thinking of when I read a title like EUTwinks. Fellas, there were dudes who looked like they were 40. Are they here to give us daddy on twink action? I donno since he was with another guy who did not look like a twink at all. To make matters worse, I’m like decently sure not all of these guys were even European. My ‘Murican senses are tingling, so I think what I saw were guys from US of fucking A and not lads from one of the more cultured EU countries. Well, the cut dicks for one were sending me a weird vibe, so yanno, I had to make a double take. Maybe I’m too stupid, but this collection is not landing its shot on me.

I gave this place a better look, and yeah, there are EU twinks here. The older scenes are where you see British guys and some spirited Russians. I also think I spotted an Italian, and the rest also had accents, but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly where. So, while there is themed shit here, the collection missed the fucking mark somewhere along the way. I don’t know if that was before or after it joined the MGP network, but it’s really coming through. Well, if you aren’t so hung up on the premise of the title, the gay porn is still fine, and I think you’ll even dig the younger guys with less boyish looks. I know it can be a let down, but we make do with what we got and keep on!

EUTwinks also has a decent-ish library of smut to offer. At 109 scenes, you’re looking at a pretty good time if you don’t rush it. You can always grab all scenes through the unlimited downloads, but you might also dig the few photo sets that are packed in zip files. You have 87 sets, and each has some older kinds of pics, but you can probably make something worthwhile with them if that’s your style. As for the video quality, our “twinks”: here aren't breaking the network’s mold. Yeup, you’re still getting SD quality at best and crummier clips the older they get. Vintage? Retro? Outdated? All at once, my lad. It depends on what you vibe with these days. But ok, let’s move to the bonuses to placebo the burn.

Your bonuses from the collection

I already namedropped a few channels you might wanna take a look at, but with 36 in total begging for your cock’s attention, it can feel like you’re pretty stretched. I know how that feels, man. I tried fisting a few times with some anal stretching. Twinks are not in short supply here, be they Asian or even Latino. There are also a lot of toned and muscled lads, but it all depends on what theme you land your cursor on. When you count all of these channels up, I usually end up with like 5200+ scenes. But since this shithole is big on rotating and removing content, it can maybe climb up to like 6800+ clips and call it a day. Maybe, I'm not too sure. But there are photo sets, I guess.

The drawbacks are pretty obvious

Yeah, yeah. This whole network is just rotating content and doesn’t have any HD porn, waa waa! My gays, I’m kinda numb to all of this after so many reviews, so it’s literally what it is. It has no DRM on anything (pretty sure), so just fire it up and save what you feel like should be saved. You’ll make something out of this one way or another, or you can just not give it your money. With how many ads this place is boasting and the fact that the site can slow to a crawl, I get it. I want to throw rotten, filled condoms at it sometimes. Sometimes, the porn site is just mid, and we have to make peace with it. Find our inner gooner zen of sorts.

Here is the story about the money

I think I’ll turn this section into a more complete price breakdown. So yeah, what price is good for a site that no longer adds shit and hosts so much outdated porn? I can’t say, but since a full sub gets you unlimited downloads, I think a quick trip is probably what you should go for. Hell, I rocked up with a 30-day access just to grab some scenes I figured are worth my time! I’ll lay the money grabs, so you figure out what you want, kay? All you need to do is keep your eyes peeled for the hidden sales on the billing page. I caught two, but there are probably - maybe - more. You also might wanna switch your payment to be tied to your PayPal. You just choose the Epoch biller, yeah.

You do not want a trial sub. It’s trash. 12 videos for three-day streaming and nothing else? Yeah, costs $1.95, but it rebills for a full monthly. Not even worth looking at. Next!

The full monthly sub is where I feel the safest. It's $24.95/month, and it’s pretty much a rush to grab everything I like from the network and dip my ass out of there!

But in case you don’t want to be rushing through the slow digital halls, you might be vibing with a 90-day pass, for some reason. If you wanna burn $49.95 every three months, be my guest!

The longest you can set up camp in this place is for a full year. It's the cheapest in the long run since it’s $99.45/year, but like, that’s a lot of money to have guzzled all at once. In this fucking economy, maybe skip out on it, yeah? Unless you’re filthy rich!

The last bit I wanna add here is obvious like a boner in public, but I feel like you losers are going to forget about it and then cry virgin tears. All of these sub auto-rebill, it just happens, it’s part of the shitty deal when you join. You gotta go through your biller to cancel the sub before the rebill time rings. Seriously. Don’t forget about this thing! It’s porn rules 101!

This channel is a bit of a miss but the rest lands

I don’t really do ratings charts here, but everything here is giving me 5/10 or maybe a 4/10. There’s smut you’ll be glad to have, but also, there is just as many great gay films being made at better quality these days. The opportunity cost is real, so calculate why you wanna join this site. The massive amount of porn here is right under the ad dumpster fire, so it takes a bit of hazmat and digging. The premium gooners are going to enjoy this, but if you're not in a rush and don’t have unlimited money, you're likely going to sideline it.