You know those restaurants with a huge menu and a flashy sign out front, but the kitchen only really knows how to make one dish? You order pasta, you get the special. You order steak, you get the special. You ask for the bill and somehow, here comes the special again. That is the gay anime section on GayPorno.fm, and believe me, I ordered more plates tonight than Gordon Ramsey when he is getting ready to shit on someone’s restaurant in Kitchen Nightmares just to be sure I was not imagining things.
The name still sounds like a late-night radio station to me, and the anime corner is about as quiet as one at 4 AM. I went in hoping for a hidden gem, because sometimes the tiny places really do have the best food in town. Sometimes… So, before we dig in (in relation to my previous rant, pun intended), lower your expectations. Now lower them a bit more. Just a bit more…and…right about there.
One big gay anime uploader and a whole lot of filler
The design is simple and kind of old-school. A dark blue-gray page with a menu up top for all kinds of buttons, including not one but two AI buttons. One for jerking off and one for finding a fuckbud. Two! Who needs two AI buttons? GayPorno.fm, apparently. The anime page itself is just a plain title, a sort button, and a grid of thumbnails. Is it pretty? Fuck no. Is it easy to use? Yeah, way easier than my tax forms…which I am really not looking forward to doing, and I cannot be bothered to hire an accountant.
Each thumbnail shows the title, the length, how long ago it went up, and the views. No resolution badge, no rating, nothing. You are flying blind until you click. Over on the right there is a long category list with video counts, plus a big wall of pornstar faces, which next to anime dudes makes zero fucking sense…but okay, I guess somebody thought it was a good idea.
How many videos? Around 45. Not pages, videos. You can scroll through the whole section in about two minutes, and that includes closing the cookie banner. If you are anything like me, you would be done before your coffee even gets cold, and then you would sit there wondering what the hell to do with the rest of your night.
It gets worse. Not all of those 45 are even anime. Roughly half are actual animated videos, and the other half are live-action videos that someone stuffed with anime keywords to farm clicks. So the real number of anime guys here is somewhere around 25. I checked it twice. Then a third time. Then I said fuck it and accepted that this site kind of sucks for gay anime porn.
The upload dates tell their own story too, as most of the anime stuff is two or three years old, and the live-action filler is even older, sitting at nine or ten years. There are a few uploads from the last couple of days, but guess what? Those are live-action too. Somebody clearly stopped giving a shit about this section a long, long time ago, and honestly, it shows.
The Juice Anime show, plus some keyword drop ins
Now here is where it gets really funny. Almost every real anime video on the page comes from a single uploader, Juice Anime. Their name shows up in title after title after title. At this point, it is less of an anime section and more of a Juice Anime fan page that somebody was too lazy to rename.
If you like their style, you will definitely have a good time. Clean bara art, muscle bears, chubby guys, tattooed hunks, and roommates and gym buddies getting way too close for comfort. Plenty of dramatic moaning, too. Some videos use mosaic censorship, which I am not a huge fucking fan of. Most run five to seven minutes, so they are short and to the point. Perfect for a lunch break you definitely should not be taking at your desk.
If you do not like their style, well, tough shit. There is nothing else here for you. One-dish kitchen, remember? I didn’t come up with that opener just for shit and giggles. It is actually how it is out here. Either the special is exactly what you were craving, or you are stuck chewing on breadsticks while everyone else at the table enjoys their meal.
The live-action filler, on the other hand, is a goddamn comedy show once you start reading the titles. They are packed with random words like anime, homo, emo, and homosexual, all mashed together in an order that makes no sense whatsoever. It reads like somebody threw a dictionary into a blender. Not one of these videos has a single animated frame in it. Not one. I looked!
They are also quite dated. Most look like they were filmed on a camera from the early smartphone days, with shitty lighting and couches that belong in your grandma's living room. View counts are tiny, often just a few hundred. Clearly, the people clicking on anime know what they came for, and it is not a ten-year-old video of two guys on a floral sofa…no offense to the floral sofa guys, but Juice Anime’s Naruto and Kiba fondling Choji’s big titties definitely takes the cake.
Filtering is about as basic as it gets. You can sort by popular, newest, or longest, and that is the whole dashboard. No quality filter, no duration slider, nothing to hide the filler. With only 45 videos, I guess you do not need much more. Popular pushes most of the Juice Anime videos to the top, longest drags the few full scenes forward, and newest is useless, since all the recent uploads are live-action. Skip that one. Seriously, do not bother.
A basic player drowning in ads
The player keeps it simple. Play, pause, volume, fullscreen, and that is it. The quality is fixed, so you get whatever the uploader gave you. Under the video, there are like and dislike buttons with a rating bar, a view counter, comments, and a report button. The rating bar is actually handy for spotting the good stuff. The comments are a fucking ghost town. Nobody has said a word on most of these videos in ages…not much of a surprise there.
Watching everything on GayPorno.fm is free, no account needed. What you pay with instead is your sanity. There is a big hookup ad on the side offering tops near you, a couple of banners for a yaoi game starring a hunk holding a glass of wine, and a floating video ad in the corner. At least the yaoi game ads are on theme, which is more than half the videos can say. I actually laughed at that.
The sneakiest ones sit right inside the grid. Under the real videos, you get a full row of thumbnails with a tiny AD label that look exactly like actual videos. Don't look closely, and you will click one and end up somewhere you never planned to go. Ask me how I know…or actually, don't. Let us just say it was definitely not anime, and I closed that tab faster than I have ever closed anything in my life. Lesson learned, I guess.
None of it actually blocks the videos. I will give them that. Still, on a small screen the actual video ends up feeling like the smallest thing on the page. So I really fucking hope that you are not browsing through this one on a mobile device or a tablet. When it comes to ads, an ad blocker makes this place a lot calmer, but still, I do not recommend browsing it on your phone.
Is GayPorno.fm's anime section worth a visit?
Do you even have to ask?
The anime section is tiny, with around 45 videos, and only about half of them are actually animated. The rest is old live-action filler with keyword-stuffed titles. Almost every real anime video comes from one uploader. Nothing new has shown up in a long time, and the ads are loud, sneaky, and everywhere. If you wanted a big anime library, keep walking, buddy.
In my opinion, the Juice Anime videos are damn good, at least. Clean bara art, muscle bears, and quick scenes that get straight to the point. Everything is free, the page is easy to use, and the rating bar helps you find the best ones. Treat this place like a quick snack between meals, not a full dinner…and then go check out some other place that won’t disappoint you in the first ten seconds.
