If you’re in the mood to cum like an untied fire hose, there’s nothing that gets the juices flowing like gay bondage. It’s intense, it’s extreme, and most importantly, it’s for everyone: whether you’re an innocent young virgin who’s afraid to leave the comfort of vanilla porn, or you’re a desensitized veteran who can’t even get your dick hard without a soup ladle up your ass anymore, gay bondage will get your pussy libido into overdrive. And good for you, because not only are there plenty of places to find gay bondage, but you’ve got me to take you straight to the best sources.
I know what you must be thinking, though: Is a place called Xhamster.com really the place to go for the kind of hardcore fucking, belts, racks and gags that I want to see? Well, despite sounding like a rejected Pokemon, Xhamster is a real porn website, and a pretty famous one for how stupid its name is. The real fucking question, though, is whether it’s got the goods, and we’re about to find out, so buckle up.
The good stuff isn’t free, but the paid stuff isn’t any better
Let’s get right down to business: yes, there’s gay bondage here, and lots of it, too.
Whether you like to see tied-up twinks get fucked so hard that they can’t stand, or two studs take turns on an immobilized boy toy, there’s tens of thousands of free videos here to satisfy your horny needs. And just like in real life, most of the good stuff is free – you can look at the biggest dicks you’ve ever seen tear apart blindfolded hunks, and guys of all shapes and sizes getting fucked both indoors and out, all without ever having to spend a single penny.
And if you like your bondage boys live, Xhamster also offers a livestreaming platform with tons of different gay categories, including our favorite leather-bound hunks. Depending on what time of day you go, the selection can vary – the first time I looked, I saw dozens of models performing erotic feats that would make even your mother blush, but when I checked back in later, there were only a couple of bondage streams online. Still, it’s not often you can find a dedicated place for streams of BDSM man-meat, so here’s your chance if you’ve been looking. I just hope you can find it under all the fucking ads.
But the free stuff only gets you so far, because Xhamster will not shut the fuck up about its premium service. There’s multiple buttons for Xhamster Premium, paid videos are all over the free video search with no way to filter them out, and every motherfucking time you visit a new page you’ll get hit with a popup banner to tell you about the latest discounts and special offers. I’ve not seen a bitch this desperate to get my money since my bitch ex wife, and even she knew not to bother me when I’m trying to jack off.
So you’re probably wondering, how does Xhamster’s premium content look? And the answer is fucking nothing, because it doesn’t have any. That’s right kids, it’s a fucking redirect built right into the core of this rotten piece of shit: all premium video links lead you to a different website, with its own videos and content. And, get ready for the punchline – most of the stuff on the other website is fucking free, too! Xhamster doesn’t take your money, no, it just takes you to a completely different porn website that WILL take your money. What’s the fucking point of Xhamster then, if I can just go to this other site in the first place?
Are the premium videos on the other site good, at least? Well I don’t want to go into detail too much because this is supposed to be a review of Xhamster, but in two words: Fuck No. The premium shit looks identical to the free shit, and the price tag makes no sense. Want to see a video of some bearded loser sniffing someone’s socks, something you can find literally anywhere for free? Great, that’ll cost you five fucking dollars. For that money I could buy a ham sandwich and fuck the mayonnaise out of it, get more satisfaction than this six minute clip, and still have enough money left for a beer.
Where is my fucking gay bondage
Xhamster’s biggest sin is a classic one: many of the videos in the gay bondage category are not bondage. And it’s especially bad in here – I’ve had times when fully half of the videos have absolutely no connection to BDSM other than the twink being fucked is called a “slave” in the title, or just wearing a lot of eyeshadow and a choker. I’m not a historian, but if eyeshadow and the word “slave” are all you need to count as bondage, then the ancient Egyptians must have been the kinkiest fucking empire in history – suck it, Ancient Romans. And just like all that Egyptian sand getting stuck to your dick when you’re trying to fuck, these false bondage videos make me want to go somewhere else, and maybe punch a Pharaoh in the balls on my way out.
But wait, it gets funnier: not only are some of these gay bondage videos not bondage, some of these gay bondage videos also aren’t even fucking gay! Nothing says homosexual BDSM like a guy plowing a girl on an ordinary bed, wearing nothing but a pair of black socks. He doesn’t even call her mistress or something to pretend there’s any kink here, he just ruts her like a dying bull for ten minutes before firing off a cumshot so weak it wouldn’t stun a mosquito. I’d frankly be embarrassed to be in that video, but I’d be even more embarrassed to be the girl, and then find out that someone thought that my sex tape should be categorized as “gay”.
And don’t you assholes try to correct me by saying “Girls can be gay too, actually”. No shit girls can be gay, but you and I both know what we mean by “gay porn” online, because if we wanted girls, we would have said “lesbian porn” instead. And just to make sure you understand just how wrong you are – no, not a single motherfucking video in the gay bondage section had lesbians in it. Tons of girls, for some goddamn reason, but every single one of them taking heterosexual cocks in their holes. So this isn’t a language problem, this is just a complete tagging fuckup.
If you’re hoping that the premium videos (on the wrong goddamn website) are any better, no such luck. In fact, the premium ones are even worse about it: Sure, you can find some of what you want, but maybe 20% of it is actually the gay bondage you searched for. If this shit was Amazon, and you searched for “Coffee mug” and mostly got results for kitten calendars and car parts, whoever made their search engine would be hanged by his balls through a window at Amazon HQ. And no, not as a reward, you freaks, but as punishment.
Not really worth your time
On the surface, Xhamster looks slick, shiny and attractive, just like a muscular hunk in a spandex suit. And just like that hunk, it tries to fuck you every chance it gets. It’s easy to see the stuff that the website does right: There’s a lot of categories to explore, from award-winning videos to pornstar-based searches, and I can see why those things would buy some people over. But if all I needed to get off was a big list of categories, I’d be jacking masturbating to an encyclopedia right now. The only worthwhile thing on this website is its massive collection, and it really does have some good fucking videos in there.
But you can find that anywhere, so you have to ask, why would I visit xhamster instead of the literal tens of thousands of other sites? And I’m sorry to break it to you, champ, but the answer is: I have no fucking idea. There’s websites with a better selection, there’s websites with much less annoying ads, and there’s websites that don’t spam me with offers for a premium service that isn’t even on the same fucking website. The only reason to visit Xhamster.com is to see if there are any videos you haven’t already seen, or to check out the livestreams; and if you’re that fucking desperate to find new material, maybe you should take a break and visit a better site later. There’s always more dudes having sex out there, and they’re gonna post it online soon, so just find a way to kill a few hours and then check your other sites again.
