Have you ever fantasized about being tied up by other men during sex? What it would feel like to just get wrapped up like a Christmas ham and get fucked by dudes while the only thing you can do is moan like a helpless animal? Well that’s what gay bondage porn is all about, bucko, and it’s about time you get in on the party. There’s really nothing else like it out there, and these days it’s easier to find than ever. And since I doubt you’ll actually find someone willing to have sex with you, it’s also the closest you’re going to get to the real thing.
So where should you go to find this type of porn? Well, there’s thousands of fucking websites out there, but in this review I’ll be talking about the one that you probably thought of first as a kid, on the day you first discovered that “porn” is a thing and tried to guess what website has it. That’s right, Porn.com, the website with a name so goddamn pure, I have to imagine all the other porn site owners wake up every day cursing the fact that they didn’t register the fucking domain first. But let’s see if the website actually lives up to its amazingly powerful name.
It’s porn, alright, but only some of it is gay bondage
If this is your first time ever looking at a porn website, you might think that it’s pretty strange that when you typed in “gay bondage”, only half of the videos it shows you are gay bondage. I’ve been looking at porn for decades, however, and I can tell you that it’s not just pretty strange; it’s complete fucking bullshit. I am not kidding when I tell you that, in the Gay Bondage category, the first FIVE videos actually have women in them, and only one of those videos has bondage in it. Five!
Are the girls gay, you ask? First off, it doesn’t really matter, because that’s not what you’re here for, now is it? We all love to see some lesbians having fun, but that’s just it – in the world of porn, we make a clear distinction between Gay and Lesbian porn, so that people can easily find what they want. And second, no, the girls are not fucking gay, they’re being stuffed with cock on casting couches or getting their assholes fingered on a European balcony. This shit never fails to piss me off; if half the videos on a straight porn search were gay, everybody would be up in arms over it, but nobody gives a shit when it’s the other way around.
So out of the 14,000 videos Porn.com tells me are here, let’s be generous and say half of them are actually gay bondage. That’s 7,000 videos, which isn’t exactly a mind-blowing collection, but fine, let’s go with that; are those 7,000 videos good, then? And to my fucking surprise, it looks like they actually are. There’s a good mix of professional quality and amateur videos to find, with most available at 720p or better; and you can find both short spank videos up to 10 minutes long, and epic buttfucking sagas that last 30 minutes or longer, with many going up to 50 or even an hour, if you’re the kind of animal that can jack off to the same thing for sixty uninterrupted minutes.
A large amount of the videos also take place in everyone’s favorite bondage location: a dirty mattress in a dingy abandoned warehouse. I never understood why that’s such a fucking common location for these videos, if I’m being honest. Is it because so many freaks enjoy the atmosphere of being tied up and fucked in a place where you could run into a drug addict at any moment, or is it because hollowed-out office buildings from the 80s are just very cheap to rent out for an afternoon fuck? Either way, if you fantasize about sex in a place in a filthy ruin that was probably in a fire at some point, you’re gonna be very happy with the selection here.
The other thing you’ll see a lot of ball clamps, nutsack whipping, and other forms of testicular torture; I guess it’s only fucking appropriate that you’ll see a lot of ball breaking with so many women around. I know some of you inexperienced babies flinch at the idea of your precious little pouch even getting touched, much less handled like a drunk getting thrown out of a bar after trying to kiss the waitress. You’ll learn to be okay with it, kids, just remember: if there are people who are into getting their balls stepped on by fucking stiletto heels and still walk away unharmed, then nothing is going to happen to your sack from a little roughness. Who knows, maybe you’ll actually end up liking it, if you ever nut up and give it a try.
Not much else to offer
So when you first heard about Porn.com, you probably imagined some sort of classy, oldschool site full of cool shit: a ton of categories, millions of tags, and all kinds of other amazing features, right? Well, no, just like a highway road trip in a car full of nuns, you have fuck-all to do here, and you don’t really know why you agreed to this in the first place. Porn.com is a website that doesn’t actually host its own videos, it just links you to a bunch of other, better websites instead. And I guess the designers didn’t really care to give you more to do here, since they know you won’t want to come back once you see that there are much better places to find your filth.
Really, the main tools you have are to search for videos, click on videos, and vote on those videos if you decide to come back afterwards (and I really don’t know why you would). The only exceptions are Live Sex and Premium buttons, and perhaps the only unique feature I’ve seen on the site: you can upvote or downvote the entire video category you’re looking at. Needless to say, I hammered the downvote button here so hard that my screen got a fucking crack from it.
You might be wondering what the premium button does on a website that doesn’t actually have any fucking videos. The answer, obviously, is that it takes you to the premium subscription page on a random other website. And that’s just fucking perfect, isn’t it? Porn.com has nothing to give you, so instead it acts as an ad for other fucking sites, like that empty store at the mall that a competitor is using as a billboard. Except at least the empty store at the mall probably has a bathroom in it; meanwhile, Porn.com is just full of bullshit.
The one saving grace of this nothingburger is that it has no ads in sight. There are no pop-ups, no banner ads, abso-fucking-lutely nothing. This is a good thing, I suppose, because it makes it easier to scroll through the endless feed of (wrong) videos without distraction… but when you think about it, if every single button on this fucking thing is just leading you somewhere else so they can sell you something, doesn’t that mean that this entire motherfucking website is just one big ad?
Not really worth your time
I genuinely cannot think of a reason to recommend Porn.com to anyone. It’s not the worst site I’ve ever seen, not by a long fucking measure; it’s just the most pointless. It hosts videos from multiple other sites, but you would have a much better time just going straight to those sites; because I’ve seen which sites they are, and I guarantee they would have a more consistent search, a larger library of gay bondage videos, and much more variety in that list as well. And considering the sheer amount of duplicate videos I’ve seen in the search here, you’ll probably get the same selection of videos with less fucking bullshit anyway.
If you pointed a gun at me and said you’d shoot me in the head unless I could think of someone who would benefit from visiting Porn.com, I’d tell you to just fucking shoot me in the head. If I can’t choose the bullet, however, I guess the only thing I can imagine is my fucking joke from the beginning of the review: someone who has literally never looked at porn before, has zero idea where to look for it or what their options are, and needs a website that just gives you a bunch of links for porn sites to visit. And even this made-up idiot wouldn’t visit this piece of shit more than once.
