I know what you’re thinking – it’s late at night, I’m tired after another boring workday, and I just want to relax with some gay bondage porn. And why wouldn’t you? I’m not here to judge, I’m just here to help you get down to business and find the right website to jack off to, so you can happily go back to wasting time scrolling social media until it’s time to go to sleep. Well, get ready for me to blow your fucking mind – what if I told you that you could do both at the same time?
X.com will always be Twitter in my mind. Sites get renamed all the time, but sometimes the first name is the one that sticks in your brain like a ball gag in a bratty sub’s mouth, and nothing is going to change that. What might change, though, is whether it’s the website you go to when your dick needs personal time. Social media platforms that allow 18+ content can often be an excellent source of porn, so it’s time for us to make a deep dive and find out if that’s the case here as well. Is X the right place to beat your meat, or should we be treating it like any other ex – talking shit behind their back and crossing the street when we see it coming?
Before you do anything, you’re going to have to log in
So if you don’t have an X account yet, you’re going to have to make one, because these fuckers won’t let you see absolutely anything dirty before they’ve gotten your email. It fucking sucks, but that’s the price you’re paying when you want to use a website like this. And unlike most porn sites, this one really wants to get your personal info: you need to put in an email, phone number and date of birth, and then verify one of those. After all that bullshit, you also get asked to personalize your profile, and finally follow at least one profile before you can get started. There are fewer steps to buying fucking car than there are to signing up for this shit, and at least the car gives me a place to hold all of my empty fast food boxes.
Once you’re in, you’ll see pretty much what you expect X to be: a long feed of posts by random people, none of whom even have their dicks out. There’s also a ton of features like calls and chats, a premium service (because even when it’s not a porn site, someone’s still got to get fucked), and a list of the hottest topics being discussed on the website. There’s also a news feed, because nothing makes me more excited to jerk off than seeing the latest information about the gas prices in Peru.
So once we get past all that crap, we can actually start searching for the porn, with a search bar that provides a couple of useful filters for us. Once we actually start searching though, that’s when the real disappointment starts.
If there’s any gay bondage here, it’s very well hidden
X users use hashtags to mark their messages, allowing people to look for related ideas and be part of larger conversations about a topic. This also, in theory at least, means that if we look for hashtags like #gay, #bondage, #gaybondage, #bdsm and so on, we should be able to find the porn we’re looking for. Unfortunately, after trying all sorts of fucking combinations in the search bar, I have concluded that there’s only two possibilities: Either X’s search is completely fucking broken (which is very possible), or there’s barely any gay bondage on this fucking site.
Whatever combination of hashtags I used, the most results I got in any search was 30. That’s not a porn library, that’s barely a fucking pamphlet. There’s a tiny handful of videos and pictures here, all from a relatively small number of creators, so I guess the guys making gay bondage are doing it on a different social media platform. Either that, or nobody knows how to tag their porn on this goddamned site, but I choose to trust the porn creators on this one.
In fact, just to make sure that I’m not a goddamn idiot and doing something wrong, I tried searching for #sandwich – which got me so many results that I never saw the end of the scroll. In fact, I actually saw more porn results in the #sandwich search than I saw for any combination of the porn tags I’ve been using, so I guess if you feel like yanking it, searching for the names of food will get you more porn than actual fucking porn tags.
So okay, we’ve got maybe 50 entries for gay bondage here on X, but let’s see what they’re actually like – maybe the stuff I see here is just so insanely good, it’ll make up for the pitiful number. (Spoilers: it didn’t).
A tiny collection, with nothing interesting in it
Most of the gay bondage here is in the form of animated gifs, or short videos, with none of them longer than 30 seconds. The videos are the kind of thing you expect to see on a mainstream website like this – big boys tied to a bed and getting jacked off, twinks in chastity cages wiggling around like little gay worms waiting to be used, the usual really. There’s an annoying amount of posts here that aren’t actually porn, but are just people posting memes or discussions instead, so getting to anything good can be a real fucking hassle.
The most common type of porn video features dudes in full-body suits, jacking off (or getting jacked off) in sensory deprivation scenarios: Full-body gimp suits, rubber coffins, and even some BDSM fursuits. There’s one notable video of a guy in a full body cast getting milked by his doctor, which I suspect was actually recorded in a hospital; they had IVs and heart rate monitors, and he was lying on a real motorized bed, so I guess they should be congratulated on their effort.
Another video, probably my favorite one, is only two seconds long, and it’s really erotic as much as it’s funny. It depicts a guy dressed as Superman, blindfolded and tied up, sitting up against a wooden column. He is surrounded by little green kryptonite lights, making it so that he can’t get away, and instead he’s just wiggling there with a boner. And I have to be honest, while the rest of my experience on X was fucking abysmal, the idea of Superman being into bondage and using kryptonite as a sex toy is just genuinely the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while. So I hope that whoever made that has a big, successful porn career somewhere else.
More than a couple of the videos and images here were foot porn, too; there’s several clips and images of tied up dudes with their feet front and center, getting them tickled, and all that kind of stuff. I’m not really much of a foot expert, so I can’t really tell if it was good or not, but if you’re after that kind of thing, you can find it here. And of course, because this is X, a big chunk of the porn is AI generated. I really don’t feel like wasting time and effort actually describing what specific AI generated porn looks like to you, because you already fucking know what it looks like: it looks like a shitty cartoon, all the colors are yellowish like someone pissed on it, and nothing about it looks good or well-crafted. It sucks, and that’s it.
Not worth the effort of making a profile
X might be a big social media platform with thousands of people making thousands of posts every day, but despite that, it’s just a crap place to visit for the average pervert. It will take you more time to make a profile than it will to actually see all of the gay bondage porn they have, and I seriously fucking doubt that any of the porn you see will be any good. If there’s any more porn to find, then I guess the fucking search must be broken, because I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to squeeze every possible piece of porn out of this piece of shit.
I don’t know if the selection is so bad because they recently purged all of the porn from the website, or if gay people know better than to post themselves on X. Whatever the reason, it’s a pretty clear sign that you shouldn’t be wasting your time with it either.
