Love is in the air
There’s something about French porn that’s different from the rest of the world. The same shit applies to gay French porn. I’m not seeing a lot of the Western themes of step daddies and dommy mommies. The gay French giga chads on PornHub are smooching and making love. Of course your usual run of the mill massage, threesome and banging outdoors is here too. But a lot of it is super tame in comparison to what I’m used to. It’s like porn written by women, for gay men. If you want to watch two people making out and caressing each other like they’re crazy in love, you have to work to find it in the straight porn sphere. Even in the gay porn corners of the internet can be very macho.
Not here, baby. French people love to french each other. Go figure. The first video that caught my eye is appropriately named boyfriends deep passionate kissing. I thought okay, it’s a one off and I’ve entered a parallel universe where porn is made for the plot and videos end in marriage. Get me out of here I want my dommy mommy feet content back. But nope, it’s a pattern with the French. Video after video, the titles all contain words that would rival shit I’ve seen chicks write on Wattpad. Kissing, cuddling and frotting are everywhere.
If you’re wondering what the fuck frotting is, fret not. It’s the new Gen Z lingo for dry humping. Weird how they call it dry humping. When I hump we’re all wet and bothered. And so are these French fruity frotters. They love each other and they want to show the world. There are so many videos of lads canoodling that you might even start to believe in love again. I don’t know about you but my cold, dry heart is warming up and I’m not even into dudes. Hon, hon baguette, leave it to the Parisians and company to show you real loving.
French femboy frenzy
Like half of the videos on PornHub when it comes to gay porn are centered around femboys. You’ve got feminine bum chums in all shapes and sizes. Metaphorically of course, to be a femboy you also have to be a twink. Everyone knows that, especially your dad, who’s way to close with your neighbor Steve. Don’t look at me like that Timmy, I know you know. What I mean is, they’re various and plentiful. Especially on PornHub because there’s always so much quality content; you’re always going to find something new. Some femboys are classics, with thongs and fishnets aplenty. Others are just twinks stepping into femboy roles next to the long slonged muscle daddies. Then there are femboy duos who drop the classic lingerie because they both know what’s up.
There’s a femboy for each and every one of you rat bastards. Pretty ones too. You can always bank on PornHub to bring their quality A game. Every cheek being spread and fishnet being torn has a nice, conventionally attractive face attached to it. This is not the gulag of random ass porn sites where half the people look like toenails. But that’s neither here nor there. Niche porn has it’s charm for other reasons. Especially if you’re into weird shit. You won’t find weird toe people here though. Twinks, bears and femboys alike are all cutie patooties with round booties. Oh and yes, there are other genres of gay men included, don’t worry. I don’t know what an otter is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask.
Popular old farts
And then there’s the old people. There’s no way of getting away from the young and old category. I don’t know what’s up with you people. Apparently there’s an appeal for hairy beer bellied geezers who fart like they’re in naam. I’ve seen delicious, fit broads slobber for the old farts. It’s no different with the gay Frenchies. The content is just chilling there like it’s not a special secret category you have to look up. At least with other sites you’re spared until you decide to go poking around for flabby tums. It just goes to show you how accommodating PornHub is. They’re all inclusive, breakfast included. Ass is on the menu.
And oh boy, these videos are making numbers. Looks like a ton of y’all have covert granddaddy issues. Cutesy videos with men sucking face don’t even reach quadruple digits. And then there’s a fat old guy getting stuffed and suddenly we’re looking at a money maker of a video. Good for them for getting their dick wet in those final solemn years. Porking grandpas is as popular as BBC shit in the straight sphere. Although, I think this is more of a French thing than a gay thing. I don’t know if you’ve ever watched French movies. Don’t. They get super freaky and weird especially when it comes to age gap themes. So, PornHub I bid you an apology, it’s not you it’s the French.
I niche kink for everyone
As always, I’m mega impressed by the sheer volume of content on PornHub. You can probably niche down to a fetish only you have and still find something to jack it to. You want a romantic cartoon of two dudes smooching, you got it. What about car sex or tractor sex with farmers? Baby you’re still in the right place. There’s no kink shaming either, I ran across more pissing videos than I need in one lifetime. I’ll never understand the love for gulping down the golden sauce. But you do you boo. The deeper you go the stranger it gets. Truly, stranger things.
You’re telling me ornament porn is a thing? Yes, I’m serious, that kind of ornament, the one that goes on your sad plastic Christmas tree. If you’re imagining someone stuffing Rudolf the reindeer painted balls in their ass, you’re wrong. I’m not even gonna tell you, you should go check it out for yourself. I feel like an anthropologist discovering what they’ll think of next. From the softest of softcore making out videos to bondage and double pissing. And what if you’re not really into watching people fuck? No problem, monsieur. You can watch a fit, ripped French boy cooking healthy cookies. Naked, in his kitchen, guiding you through the recipe. All this video needs is some English subtitles and boom, you have educational content on fucking PornHub for everyone.
Whatever kind of rabbit hole you end up going down, there’s still no escaping all the love. Jesus Mary and Mohamed what is it with this kissing craze? The most popular tags are like 80% about cute, hot, deep or passionate face sucking. Someone’s straight up making 3D kissing porn of video game characters. It’s not just the expected real flesh boy shit. Nah, bro, Witcher is here. And he’s making sweet sweet love to some guy. I don’t know, haven’t played the game. Don’t let my glasses fool you I’m not a nerd like you basement goblins. Kiss kiss.
Huge dongs in full HD
If you’re into humongous, girthy monster dongs, first of all who isn’t? You’re not special Patricia. And I’ll tell you now that four inches is quite enough. It’s not about the length of the ship but the motion of the ocean. Patricia. Not that my dong is a short chode, I’m just protecting my short dicked bros. Nah mine is more like the ones you can find on Gay PornHub where the French roam free and hung. But seriously, how does one have the audacity for a ten incher? That’s just against the rules of nature. It puts the rest of us to shame, even people like me who have nine. Okay, eight. Sike, I’m never telling you. You know what they say, you gotta leave something to the imagination.
The dudes I’m stating at right now didn’t get that memo. They’re proudly displaying their pogosticks and I really do mean pogosticks. If you’re wielding your cock with two hands and have space for two more, then what the fuck. I haven’t seen this much mega cockage in perfect quality anywhere else. PornHub is the undefeated king when it comes to quality. Pages upon pages of quality too. You can keep coming back for gay Frenchmen for years to come and you won’t run out of content. Except I don’t know, if you’re a gooner who just chokes his chode all day and pees in bottles for fun. Then I’d suggest you get a job. If you happen to be French and you happen to be hung, I know the exact place for you. Wink wink.
