French fucking playground
I’m delighted to inform you that today we’re going to have fun. Lots of fun. If other sites hosting and hoisting French asses on French cocks were a dry boring meal, this one is hella juicy. I see things here I haven’t seen anywhere else. Probably won’t see anywhere else because Xvideos is the king of variety. It’s full on entertainment with a side salad of fucking. It’s not just straight porn that gets boring. I think we can all safely say that we’ve moved on from studio grade porn. A guy and a girl are horny for each other and they do a special hug in bed. Then the cum comes out and we all go home. How am I supposed to jack it to the same story over and over?
It’s no different with gay porn. Sure, men stuffing each other’s butts is nice to watch when you want to do a quickie. But what about twinks wrestling in soap? Make them French and it’s infinitely better, because of the accent of course. It’s not a soap fight in your conventional setting either, no. No bathtubs here to conveniently wash them down so they can get to a bed. Nah, these guys are in an actual fighting ring. That’s production value if I’ve even seen one. Good production doesn’t just come from a good horny camera man with a good quality camera, you dorks. Let me tell you what you can do to make it interesting. Take two twinks and give them something to fight for.
Get them naked and give them nipple pasties for that extra pizzazz. Finally, add in a host. Yes there is an actual host for this shit and he’s wearing a cowboy outfit for the fun of it. I’m not even talking about the soaped down wresting video anymore. We’ve moved on from that. What I’m watching now, well, uhm. It’s weird, in a good way. They’re sitting on a bathtub fully naked while the host yaps about one thing or another. The format is weird, and that’s why it’s worth the watch. I’m very much desensitized to anything involving two people and a bed. If you’re reading this I bet you two nickles you feel the same. So come on down to Xvideos French town and revel in this glory.
Audio only for the sensitive types
Maybe oiled or soaped up French twinks are not really your thing. Well I have to say, go get your head checked. It’s not really my thing either but that’s just because I like my soap to be on my women. Doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy some eccentric porn. Some of you are sensitive about the visual shit and want to lie in bed with headphones on. Jerk off to some random dude telling you what to do with your penis. Okay, well, we can’t all be dominant daddies I guess. If you’re the sensitive submissive type who wants to listen to his porn, welcome. Of course Xvideos French has that option for you. You little twink.
I have some good news and some bad news though. If you haven’t been using that weird app with the creepy green owl to learn French then you’re fucked. Anyone who doesn’t speak a lick of French is fucked, except if you get your rocks off to just the sound of it. I know people who do. I’ve seen it in movies so it has to be true. That’s basically your bad news. No videos in English catering to the people who just enjoy the accent. Drats, there go my weekend plans. I mean, what? You didn’t read that, I men in black you.
The good goon news is only reserved for the people of France. Also Quebec or whatever that broken French speaking place was called. I’m a sex expert not a geography one. The French audio porn looks fire though so, good for you if you can listen to it. I’m sorry other sites but I have to shit on you again. The only good audio porn I saw on other sites was the same old French man who doms you. I say it’s good shit because it is, but do something else. Dance for me, monkey. On Xvideos French you’ll see a lot more variety. Session with a French pervert is an audio I want translated for research purposes. That’s not a dirty joke you horny bastard. It’s my job to know, shhh. Then there’s some guy who wants to lull you to an orgasm by pretending to crack your asshole open. I think your weekend plans have been officially made now.
Getting rough with the French
I’m delivering you another shitting session and you’re going to enjoy it. French gay twinks, bears and otters kissing and cuddling is so rinsed and repeated that I want metal for dinner. Is it bad? No. Do we have a disproportionate amount of on screen naked loving? Why yes, my good man. We really do. If I wanted to check that out I would have put on a Ryan Gosling movie. Well, Xvideos French said no more, I’m going to save you from the trenches of mushy gushy content. I will serve up raunchy, dirty and nasty shit because I know it’s what you’re looking for. I can be your hero, baby. Thank you Xvideos, you are my hero who saved me from the same kind of video for the trillionth time.
Here you’ll find stuff that’s in the middle. I’ve seen sites having no chill and only dishing out cuddly loving or straight up gore, basically. Over here, our beloved French gay men get raw. They don’t need the bells and whistles, the latex and the pissing, to be interesting. It’s your classic nasty shit that leaves you feeling even nastier than before. And isn’t that what we all want as professional gooners? A sea of men calling each other whore, slut, referring to the other guys asshole as his boy pussy. Boy vagina that he now claims and owns because he pumped it full of cum. I don’t know about you but I find it very entertaining when the topic of breeding is on the table.
You can’t have a breeding kink if you’re not able to be bred. Or can you? Some of these men have thrown out the old boring biology rules and happily claim to impregnate one another. That’s thinking with portals. That’s using your imagination. You can learn a thing or two from the French gays on Xvideos. Maybe three or four things even. There’s a lot to watch and a lot to masturbate to until your dicks fall off. That is, 73 pages of the stuff. It’s very fucking annoying when a site promises me gay French chaps and delivers 10 pages of it. By the time you browse through to find what you like, your erection has left you because you can’t find anything. With a bigger library you’re free to browse as much as you want. Your dick might grow and soften a couple of times, but eventually you’ll land on something worth spraying your juice to.
Red premium nonsense
When I’m tending to my dingaling and find premium videos, they’re more often than not fantastic. You can clearly justify buying porn because it leaves you with a premium orgasm. If I’m paying premium prices, you’d better believe I expect good penis service. I’m not so sure I can say that for Xvideos French. I love them, I really do. But I have to take the fourth and final shit. The premium videos do not in any conceivable way look better to me than the free content. It might even look worse. Who decided that this was supposed to be paywalled? Seriously, how the fuck are full ass game shows free and Latino cock isn’t? A Latino man fucking a French man. End of the story. Let all the cum ensue. Absolutely worth all the money I have to give you.
Bitch, fuck off. I’m gonna go back to my usual programming. There’s another game show I saw on a real life stage, with a host and participants. So really not at all the same as the one with the cowboy man. I’m not even being sarcastic this time, they’re actually very different. And free. Two game shows and one soapy wrestling match, all three clicks away. Don’t bother with the premium stuff, it’s laughable. Raw, animalistic, insatiable fucking is free and a horridly misspelled video isn’t. Seriously who’s in charge of this shit? You need to fire them. They’re not getting your viewers to become customers. Absolutely, I do want to watch French twinkf ucked for casting pron. What is this, TikTok? Where those zoomers censor everything and disgrace the good porn name? Not on my watch chief. My darling readers, you know what to do. The premium failing is a bump in the road, forget about it. Come and cum for everything else that’s certifiably awesome.
