Everyman porn site
Hello butt fuckers and cock suckers. I heard you’re interested in jorking it to French dudes. I can’t blame you they’re hot, I guess. I don’t know your standards for men. I prefer mine with boobies and a vagina. I don’t know if Machotube is going to supply content for the freaky and kinky bunch though. Right off the bat, I’m noticing something that’s sacrilege to say about porn. It’s boring, I’m bored. There are so many twosomes in nice, clean beds. I’m on the tenth page out of twelve right now and it’s still the same shit. Hello, I am man. I like other man to have his mouth on my cock. I cum and go. Yada, yada, sometimes I like it in the butt too. I’m ripped so you don’t have to worry about quality. Just stare at my abs. That’s right, get hypnotized by my beefcake body.
We get it, man. Solo dudes jerking it for the pleasure of some parasocial one on one are missing. Masks, whips, chains, puppy play, where are they? Maybe my brain is boiled in a porn infested vat at this point and expects to see more freaky shit. Did you know that we live in a society? It’s not just me, goth and clown and dominatrix people are all the rage now. So it’s probably not just the porn infested soup brain of mine but the goddamn people at large.
Machotube’s gay and French category must have been made by a fruity boomer. Someone who accidentally stumbled onto Twitter and saw the degeneracy that goes on there. They were like, oh no no. I’m going to make a place for us gays who can’t take too much stimulation anymore. This site and category are like the soup that boomer eats five hours before bed. Simple, safe, boring, no acid reflux before sleepy time. The oddball video shows up like five percent of the time. The carrot that escaped the fridge and jumped into the soup to fuck shit up. Get more carrots, you boomer fuck. They won’t kill you. Unless you’re allergic, then ignore my advice. Allergic to good taste cause I’m falling asleep right now with this site.
Too odd odd balls
In a sea of man and man doing each other, I came across something I’d rather regurgitate. Is Machotube bipolar or something? Bro either has no chill or is medically dead. I don’t even know what I’m looking at. You fuckers are going to have to explain it to me. There’s this tube of piss looking piss, and it’s entering a cock hole. Said piss is being pumped into the cock hole. I know I asked for some flavor but the goddamn cook over salted it now. Goddamn it, now I sound like a boomer.
I’ll let you go and check out what the fuck I’m talking about on your own. My morning coffee hasn’t kicked in enough for this shit. The sedative effect of Machotube French isn’t helping. Oh and there it goes again giving me a jump scare. Between another sea of ass to cheek kissing there’s a solo dude playing with a bottle. Side note. I’m sure you all know how slutty nurses are, and they talk. I’ve slept with enough of them to know that an army of men come through the doors with shit up their asses. My dude, you know what kind of shit is supposed to be up your ass? That’s right. Shit. Maybe a cock or two, some toys are also acceptable.
The red wine you finished at lunch is not supposed to be going up your anus. But here we are. When that shit breaks inside your hole, think of me. No, I don’t mean in a kinky way. I know I’m hot, chill. Think of me as your dick, balls, and ass guide to not cutting up your insides. Or getting your asshole prolapsed. You won’t be able to play with the other men for a long time, and that’s not fun. No fun at all. Don’t pour piss back inside of yourself either. I didn’t know I needed to teach you fucks this stuff. Your shitter is for shit and your pisser is for piss.
The bad the good and the French
Okay, no you should absolutely not be getting Pringles cans in there either. Machotube please direct your gay French men to a not getting your asshole prolapsed seminar. Your other dudes got the memo. They also forgot to add some spice in their lovemaking. Get them into a kinks in your stink workshop. If normal normie normalson porn is what you like though, you’ll have swell time. You won’t be seeing old fat dudes or leather bound orgies here. Even stuff on the other swing of the pendulum is missing. I’m talking about kissing, cuddling and all that other girly shit. I’ve seen it a lot on other sites that cater to the gay and French audience. I’m starting to miss it now.
Finding an overweight, older, super hairy or in any way unconventional man on this site is impossible. It’s like playing a game of Where’s Waldo but Waldo is a chubby with a chud. It’s not all bad, I guess, if you’re the type of person who likes your chicken boiled. Get some seasoning on there, idiot. These dudes could all be models, well, if they had aesthetically pleasing faces. I don’t know if they do or don’t, most of the time their faces are on top of someone’s rectum. You’ll find that out for yourself when you go on your gooning adventure. Physique wise it’s a runway. Machotube is the New York Fashion Week equivalent of gay French men. If you’re into that kind of shit then you’ll be at home on this site. Have fun without me. I’ve retired from sticking it to models, too boring.
The men on Machotube have permanently relocated to the gym. Couch, TV, BBC dildos and all. You like guns? Cause it’s a gun show over here. They’re making the rest of the world look bad. If only they’d use their talents for good. I mean, making porn is the highest of good you can do for humanity. But like, gooder okay? More interesting, more pizzazz and glitter. I see a couple here and there that aren’t a couple. Two men on a bed, that is. Threesomes and double cock sucking show up to bless my day but they’re rare. Hey it’s not my fault nurses have taught me that three people in the bedroom is the way to go. Solo masturbators also appear once in a gay moon. You have to really look for them if you wanna watch that though.
My eyes hurt
Surprisingly I don’t have retinal damage from all the oddball videos. I’m trying to forget about the wine bottles and Pringles cans and be a better man. I’m moving on. My eyes do hurt though, because Machotube has a white background. How are you supposed to pull your pogostick in peace? Most of the population at large masturbates at night. The white background staring at me when I’m trying to stare at French gay beefcakes is annoying. At least this way you’re not going to have that moment where you look at your reflection after you cum. The post nut clarity comes and the only thing you’re left staring at is yourself. You know exactly what I’m talking about.
It’s bright outside right now and my eyeballs are still getting fatigued. There’s also a huge block not covered by French beefy charmers. You’re wasting space Machotube. And flashing more white light into your users' faces. That’s not very brat summer of you. I thought I was a dummyfuck. Maybe the extra blank space is where the ads go when you’re not looking. But nope, my ad blocker is sent to the shadow realm and still nothing. I can’t believe I’m complaining about no ads right now. I am the boomer, he is me.
You’re not going to stay here for that long though so call off the petrologist appointment. That was the eyeball doctor right? I don’t know. Last time mine had both his hands on my shoulders while I was bottomless. It was a weird eye exam. Anygays. The library of French gay hunks is pretty small. With all of those abs, thick thighs and big donguses I expected it to be more stretched out. Nope, only twelve pages. You might snooze, you might want to lick some abs. Once in a while you might get jump-scared here on Machotube. Whatever kind of time you’ll have, it won’t be a very long one. Have fun and don’t put fucking glass bottles up your ass.
