Clean backsides
Good morning, good evening or whatever the fuck it is for you fucks. I’ve heard you wanted me to talk about French gays again. Why won’t you give me a damn break? I’m sleepy. There’s a chick in my bed and my coffee is not in my bloodstream yet. On one hand I’m not really in the mood to entertain you butt lickers right now. On the other, there’s something I appreciate about GayPorno.fm and the French people on it. Now this might be, or probably is a total coincidence. The assholes I’m seeing are disproportionately shaved. It’s so much easier to look at goddamn it.
I understand how black hair against the inner cheeks, waiting to be licked, is appealing to some. Wait, no, I lied. I actually don’t understand it. It reminds me of spiderwebs or something. Like something is going to come out of the ass bush and eat me alive. I can’t help but have impeccable evolutionary instincts. So I’m very happy to see clean shaven assholes everywhere on GayPorno.fm French. It’s all fit dudes too. For a random ass site I thought I wouldn’t give a fuck about, it’s I’m liking it more and more. It might not rival big giants but it’s not supposed to. GayPorno.fm is his own man, with a clean ass and abs.
I have to give some credit to the French though. They’re the ones making their asses clean, pristine and belched. Well, I’m not sure about that last part. But who cares? Putting a vicious chemical on your poop hole never seemed like a good idea to me anyway. For the people who love them hairy spider webs, of course they’re here too. You can jack off to your beloved spiderwebs buddy. I mean it’s not the clean shaven asshole site. I’m looking at a thumbnail of a crotch with full locks that could be braided. Still, the spiderweb to clean shaven ratio is noticeable.
Sporty gay French dudes
GayPorno.fm has a big library of your run of the mill content that can get stale. But then I’m thrown for a loop with something I haven’t seen on other sites. There’s a dude doing karate, in actual karate gear no less. Another one is playing soccer outside, kicking a ball around in knee high stockings. These are not the sexy knee highs that I prefer, no. It’s a whole ass uniform. A whole team has shown up to kick a ball around and then kick their balls around. That sounds like a swell Tuesday to me. Yep, outside sexy time is a big theme on this site. Imagine playing soccer with your bros and then fucking them. That’s the full man experience right there. Get those endorphins up buddy boy. Sweaty balls after winning the game must feel nice. It would be more comprehensible to my porn wired brain if it was just dudes in uniform fucking. But this is way more wholesome.
Who comes up with this shit? The karate dude is serenaded by another buff muscle daddy playing on drums. If you ask me, it’s kind of cute. The related videos leave a lot to be desired though. You clearly see that I want some sporty gay French dude action. Who are you recommending normie porn now? There’s one guy playing pool naked. That’s it. Hardly the same as a bunch of twinks getting gay together after a good game. I can’t even play the naked pool video either. The play button decided to just stop working. GayPorno.fm get your shit together. Gather it all up, put it in a backpack. Look at it and repent for your sins. You’re locking me out of gay French heaven with your shitty user experience.
Now I’ll never know if this talented pool player has a hairy asshole or not. And isn’t that what we’re all here for? Well, not me personally I’m here to yap to my fruity audience. But you’re doing my pookies a disservice with broken buttons and unrelated related videos. They need to jack it, they need it now and it’s your job to supply it. There are other borked things on this site. I’m not just being grumpy. The chick left my bed and went out the door. Now I’m free to pull out my cock in peace again. So I’m overjoyed, actually. My annoyance is on you GayPorno.fm. I request a beefcake of your choosing to come and give me a massage. As an apology.
Wholesome has left the chat
The sporty boys doing it in nature was short lived. First of all, if you want that shit you have to look for it. I can hear you all now. But daddy porn dude, I always search up the things I want to masturbate to. It’s not like I have a brain chip installed that supplies cock to me from inside the house. To that I say, man I wish. We’d get a utopia at this point if an open source porn chip was a thing by now. But no, we have to go to the battlefields. Some are better than others. GayPorno.fm’s way of supplying you with the French cocks of your dreams is lacking. To say the least. There are no pages, a good tagging system or related shit that makes sense. It’s just one lazy, messy page of endless content. So after the sporty dudes I’m thrown into an epic French fuckfest. That’s what they titled the video. Who asked for this?
Anygays I’m not exactly complaining about the epic French fuckfest. It looks like it was filmed in the goddamn 60s. The music and lighting of vintage porn always make me laugh. It’s like the banging is more of a music video for an action packed sound track. Goddamn, porn took itself way more seriously back then. Now all I see is puppy girls and French femboys. Again, the tags are unrelated. The videos suggested to me are in fact, not similar in any way to what I’m watching. If this site had hundreds of vintage videos of dudes sucking dong together, I’m none the wiser. Another woman slipped through the cracks though, that they can put in the related shit.
Is this a conversion psyop? I can clearly see boobies so I know it’s not a feminine looking queer French man. The site is old as fuck too. Some videos were posted like 11, 12 years ago. So you know it’s not just some random guy in his basement finding his footing. Every now and then there’s a non thumbnail black void because the image skipped town. The information is there so it’s not just a random blank space for visual respite. Then there are live video links nestled in between all the shaved cocks and French stud orgies. The links take you to a new site and have nothing to do with Frenchmen.
Something for the normies
The rest of the content is, fine. Not too bad, nothing to write home about. As a side note please don’t write home about your gay French gooning sessions. This is why they don’t want you home for Christmas Bobby. Not everything needs to be a newsletter to your extended family. Some things are fine though, if the shit you jack it to is really good and you have a gay cousin to share it with. Then, go off king I guess. You might not find it on GayPorno.fm though. You should go and watch the other gay French shit I’ve covered. Say hi to your cousin from me too. If he has a sister and you know what to do, then I’ve taught you well.
This site is like a Wednesday in autumn. Uneventful, kind of boring, but you can make it good if you put in the effort. You’ve got all the ingredients to have fun you just have to work for it. The whole gay French animal kingdom is here, scattered in a shitty UI. You can find all the usual categories and a few unusual ones. Threesomes, orgies, twinks, bears, and those goddamn otters are all here. Of course there’s also a lot of one on one French loving. Sometimes they mix in another nationality to keep you on your toes. A French and a Chinese dude walk into a bar. Then they walk into the bedroom, film themselves fucking and upload it to GayPorno.fm. I didn’t see a lot of solo content, weird but I’ve learned to expect it with the French. They’re lovers not loners. This whole time I saw like one solo dude and he was fat and old. So does that even count? There’s also a lack of out there fetish shit that makes me want to bleach my eyeballs. Sometimes a boring Wednesday autumn afternoon is exactly what you need.
